10 years ago, I wrote my blog “How to Bury Your Baby After a Miscarriage” after my miscarriage:

“In 1983, my daughter Karen, who had Down Syndrome, died at 5 1/2 months from a complication of pneumonia just before her open heart surgery. In 1984, we suffered a miscarriage at 10-12 weeks.

My 7-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter were devastated and asked what the name was. Since the doctors could not determine the sex of the baby, I had each of my children select a boy’s or girl’s name. Naming the baby Jeff Candy helped make my children feel better but then they questioned why Jeff Candy did not have a funeral like their sister Karen. Good question!

I brought this up to my mentor Fr. Joe Naumann (now archbishop of Kansas City) when he headed the St. Louis Archdiocesan Pro-Life Committee and the next thing I knew, I wound up on a committee. Now we have “The Order for the Naming and Commendation for an Infant Who Died Before Birth” (copyright 1989)
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I am so proud of the results of my children’s long-ago question and I am so happy to see the long-term results in this article, which should be shared with everyone, especially if they are Catholic. Here is an excerpt:

How to Bury Your Baby After a Miscarriage

by JoAnna Wahlund • June 10, AD2015

“The loss of a child is a nightmare for every parent. In the first few hours and days of grief and shock, it’s hard to know what to do. It’s especially hard when the loss occurs in early pregnancy, since our culture isn’t accustomed to treating unborn babies as human beings — and this happens even in pro-life circles.

If you are reading this article because you recently lost a baby via miscarriage, there are three things I want you to know:

1. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby.

2. You have the right to bury your baby.

3. If you did not bury your baby, do not not feel ashamed or guilty. We can only do our best in the circumstances we’re in according to the knowledge that we have.”

A MISCARRIAGE AND FUNERAL TODAY

Recently, I was invited to an ultrasound of a close relative.

“Anne” (not her real name) was so excited about her third pregnancy, and since I was a nurse, she thought I might be able to discern the sex of the baby.

I held her hand as the ultrasound began, but tragically, there was no heartbeat.

A second ultrasound showed the same result, and we both cried as a D&C was scheduled to remove the baby.

I had told Anne about the Naming and Commendation Ceremony and she requested the baby’s remains. The hospital was very respectful and put the remains in a small white box.

We met with her pastor, who not only agreed to bury the baby in the church’s graveyard with a short ceremony, but also to have a stone placed!

What a blessing!

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